Monday, April 10, 2006

How To Come Home Drunk And Not Wake Your Parents Up.

We’ve all been there. You’ve had a few to many drinks after a night on the town, stumble home and suddenly realize you’ve got a problem. How the hell do you get inside in the state you’re in without waking the parents?

Tip 1: This may sound obvious but don’t go through the door which is closest to your parents bedroom. You may think you’re being quiet but in reality you’ve probably slammed the door and are banging into the furniture, so the more distance you put between you and your parents bedroom the better.

Tip 2: For gods sake TAKE YOUR KEYS. Otherwise your options include knocking on the door and causing that early morning scene you were so desperate to avoid, spending the night between mum’s prized roses and the vegie patch or being taken away in the back of a squad car when the neighbors call the cops on you for trying to get in through the bathroom window.

Tip 3: Don’t let your mates crash on your floor. Simple math really…the more people you allow to crash at your place, the bigger the chance someone is going to stumble into your folks room and mistakenly hop into bed with them.

Tip 4: If your parents are Destiny church types, don’t think it’s ok to engage in noisy, post-boozing activities in your bedroom with the secret agnostic girlfriend that they don’t know about, or even worse that 16 year old chick who you met down at the Loaded Hog.

Tip 5: Don’t ring your folks at 3am to come and pick you up because you’ve got no cash for a cab. Having an argument in the car about how irresponsible you are is even worse than having it out with your parents at home, because in the car there isn’t any escape. Plus, you’re in front of the taxi driver/possible MBA graduate.

Of course there is a chance that you will wake your parents up so you’re going to need the best negotiating skills you can muster considering the condition that you’re in. One option is to not argue with them. Just look somber, nod shamefully until the ranting and raving stops and agree to be more considerate next weekend. While it’s by far the most humiliating option at the time, you’ll probably be to drunk to even remember it in the morning so don’t worry about it.

Another possibility when they confront you is to not say anything, run like hell and lock yourself in your room! Let’s face it, all you really want to do is get to bed and sleep it off rather than listen to your dad tell you what an inconsiderate little prick you are at 3am. There’s plenty of time for him to do that in the morning, when you’re too hung-over to care.

The last option is to stand up to your parents when confronted by them and argue the point. Considering you’re drunk and they’re pissed off this is your worst option. The consequences for this can vary. Everything might have blown over by the morning, but if this happens consider yourself lucky. You might just get the silent treatment for a few days and end up having to do your own laundry. Worst case scenario is that when Monday rolls around you‘ll be looking for a flat.

So remember, alcohol fuelled confrontations with the olds are best avoided, but if you do happen to wake them up after an unexpected altercation with that pesky bookcase in the hallway, try and make the argument that is bound to follow as short as possible.
Happy drinking!

Source – Varsity.Co.Nz

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